Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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