i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
