I never want to see another naked old woman again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
