I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
