Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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