Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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