Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
