but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
