she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
