I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So squirting runs in the family.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
