i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
