the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
