12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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