i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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