you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize