I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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