brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
