Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
