He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
whose parrot is this?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
