you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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