Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
