Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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