i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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