i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
