I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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