Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
