in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
