Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
