Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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