Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
