Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
