My nipple is on Facebook.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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