she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
