i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
