My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
