so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize