She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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