im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
