Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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