Cold hands, warm shart.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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