I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
