he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
