The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
