Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
