Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
