I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
