I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
