I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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