we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
