These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
