i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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