Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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