I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
