I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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