sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
