I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
