Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize