He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
