I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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