I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
