So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to fling myself into the sun
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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