I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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