dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
