Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
