i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
