I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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