12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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