im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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