Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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