My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
