I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
