So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
