I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pants are for mortals
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