At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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