I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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