he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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