My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize